The Girl Who Has Everything...

I've always loved Ariel, you know, that red-headed princess from that one Disney movie? She reminds me of myself, not ONLY because she keeps a cave full of "treasures", but because she lives in the ocean, has a semi-spastic best friend who listens to everything she says and is in love with a handsome prince. (Not that my husband is a prince, but he IS handsome!) Ah, who am I kidding? Ariel and I are alike because I, too, want more!

I want a better paying job, a bigger house, no bills, a better sex life but most of all, I want my child to be okay. See, she has always been "off", ever since she was able to throw her bottle at me when she was done with it. The doctors call it "flinging". Now "flinging" is supposed to cease with most children by the age of 3 but with my daughter, well, she still flings! Unfortunately when she does, it is usually in anger and it usually means she is flinging something to break it. My child is currently being evaluated for ADHD and bipolar disorder. She has been evaluated in the past, but she was too young for a definitive diagnosis. Some problems have come to light recently so we have decided to move ahead with further testing.

The problems doctors are having with diagnosing GIRLS with ADHD is that they don't show the "H" part as outwardly as boys do. Their "H" can include such things as chewing on their hair or clothing, talking excessively or out of turn, being "too bossy" to their friends or siblings, messiness, not finishing their work, not being able to follow simple tasks without step-by-step instruction. I can tell you all, from experience, that most, if not all of the above, happens in my house DAILY and it is frustrating. There was a point in time when my daughters sudden rage, which is a symptom of the bipolar, was so bad, it threatened our marriage. She would throw herself off her bed onto the hardwood floor and "promise to break a bone so" we would go to jail. It was a nightmare to hear that come from a 4yr old!

She has been to a therapist before, been evaluated before, been on medication before and I didn't like any of it because of my strong belief that children should not be medicated. I adjusted her diet (and ours) so that we could go medication-free and it had worked for 5+ years...but it is no longer an option. Hormones will soon play a huge role in her life and will start to make ALL of our lives a living nightmare. We can already tell the diet isn't helping, the rage is back, the inattentiveness, sloppiness, bossiness...it's all quickly returning. I am a scared mom right now. I want to be the girl who has everything, you know, Ariel? But I can't when my baby is hurting so bad mentally.